The Spiritual Exercises have been passed down from the first Jesuits about 450 years ago as a means to discern a calling in life and grow in one’s relationship with the Lord.  Ignatius, inspired by the Holy Spirit, was able to put on paper all of his graced experiences with Jesus that occurred in the cave of Manresa.  I will share the basic structure of the Exercises and some of my personal experiences from the retreat.

Each day we spent an hour in spiritual direction to help guide us through the movements of our prayer.  I spent roughly 4-6 hours daily going through the Exercises of Ignatius as they are structured in the book.  The format is four weeks but you basically move at your own pace allowing intimate encounters with Christ to determine where to move next.  The first week is designed for the participant to understand the destructive power of sin and recognize one’s own sinfulness amidst the love of Christ.  This was a difficult period of the retreat as I was faced with the many times I have fallen and forgotten Christ’s presence within me and His great love for me.

Once I recognized fully that Christ loves me despite my imperfections and sin I moved past the first week into the second week.  This period is a “walk with Christ” from his birth throughout Palm Sunday.  I spent many hours enveloped in the gospels getting to know Jesus.  I found myself also sharing with Him many aspects of my life.  Things that I just took for granted that he knew about me.  In one instance I knew that Christ has been with me through everything and He promised to be a companion for the entire journey.  I really felt a strong trust develop throughout this precious time with Jesus.

During the third week I was with Christ during His time of  trial and suffering in the Passion.  It was very difficult to watch my friend and companion endure this inhuman treatment, especially knowing that I have contributed to this by my own sinfulness.  I felt helpless as I watched most of the passion from the sidelines.  I saw as his Apostles scattered and denied their apostleship.  I watched as Jesus humbly accepted punishment, baffled by the anger and cruelty of the soldiers and pharisees.  Overall I noticed a deep love emanating from Christ asking the Father to forgive us in our ignorance.  This was what has inspired me most about the retreat, that Jesus loves us so perfectly without any stipulations or gimmicks.  His love became so apparent that I can’t forget it and desire to do my best to carry it wherever I go. I think that this is our calling as Christians to spread the good news to our brothers and sisters and ensure all are connected in the body of Christ by His great love.  Most importantly we must love those that are hardest to love.

Week four was a time to rejoice with Jesus in the Resurrection.  Although it was the shortest period of the retreat I was able to spend a few days joyfully partaking in the Resurrected Christ.  Watching Jesus in his excitement was intense as He revealed Himself to those He loved.  Many were in disbelief as He approached them on the road to Emmaus, Mary at the tomb and of course Thomas in the upper room.

My last day of retreat I spent with Jesus running across the beaches of Gloucester enjoying the morning sun and the hundreds of seagulls flying by.  I found a beautiful field of golden wheat where I decided to sit for a bit to catch my breath.  I found a large wooden beam and decided to lay down to enjoy the unusual warmth of the day.  As birds flew by overhead and I watched the clouds form into many imaginary objects I couldn’t help but realize the simbolism of my resting place on a wooden plank.  I felt the peacefulness of a presence much holier than my own and realized this is my calling.  To be the hands and feet of Christ to the world.

Thanksgiving was a holiday filled with mixed emotions. While we gathered together to give thanks for the many blessings we all had received over the past year, we also were very aware of how two of our brother Novices had recently suffered the loss of loved ones. While some adjusted to the experience of Thanksgiving away from family, others rejoiced in the festivities of Mass, football, and dinner together. Nonetheless, through it all, what prevailed for me was a sense of community, seen through the love and support we shared with each other. As the Novices in mourning left to be with their respective families, we gathered to share hugs and words of encouragement. As we celebrated Thanksgiving Mass, we each shared heart-felt anecdotes about that for which we were most grateful. After Thanksgiving, as we received visits from family members, those who did not have family in town, like myself, were generously invited by our brother Novices to join their families for meals and even a bonfire.

Over the last four weeks, Matt and I have been at our last ministry site for this year, Colombiere, where Jesuits retire from active ministry to pray for the Church and the Society. While at first, I saw Colombiere as just another ministry site, I quickly came to realize that it was more like visiting family, visiting our new older brothers. My first impression of Colombiere was how vibrant community life was there for the Jesuits. There are two community Masses each day, many activities, and lively conversations in the dining room. It was so distinct from any retirement home I had been to precisely because everyone there was essentially family.

I came to see Colombiere as a very important apostolate of the Society, where “retired” Jesuits actively support each other’s transitions to a more sedentary lifestyle and where prayer truly becomes the focal point of their lives. The idea of praying for the Church and Society was made real for me when one day I was surprised to find a prayer card with my own picture on it while I helped clean one Jesuit’s room. I was humbled that this accomplished Jesuit spent time praying for me, a Novice just getting his feet wet in Jesuit life. Over just a few weeks, I have had some incredible conversations with my new brothers, who have confided in me as if we had been family all our lives. Not only do they have a strong sense of community amongst themselves, but they have welcomed me and the other Novices into their community as well.

As the year comes to an end, I am grateful for the blessing of Jesuit community, which has been an incredible source of strength and support for me. I have found myself a bit nostalgic as I know that the coming weeks will bring a change to our community, as the eight second-year Novices leave the Novitiate for their Long Experiments in different cities across the Midwest until next June. However, before then, we will be able to join together in community with all of our brother Jesuits from the Chicago, Detroit, and Wisconsin provinces in formation – from Novices to Scholastics in studies and regency to those recently ordained as priests – during a three-day end of the year conference. After that, we first year Novices will depart in January for the Spiritual Exercises of Saint Ignatius Loyola in Gloucester, Massachusetts, 30 days of silence to deepen our relationship with God and to develop a greater understanding of ourselves as well. As such, our next blog post will not be until February.

So, until then, may all of you have a blessed Advent, a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year!

At the nursing home we were given a list of residents that we were to visit on a daily basis to provide pastoral care.  Initially I wondered how I could possibly provide pastoral care without any experience in such a matter.  I soon found out that I was the one that received more than I could have possibly given.  The first days at the nursing home seemed endless as we traversed the crowded halls trying to visit those on our lists.  Many residents never had any company and most were crowded into rooms with three or four people.  I dreaded working with those that were basically nonverbal or suffering from dementia.  I did not know what to say or do to alleviate their pain or help them in some way.  After taking this challenge to prayer I realized that the point was to be present to them and let Jesus do the rest of the work.  With this new mentality I felt at ease sitting beside them.  In many cases I would pray over them or hold their hand and just listen to them even though it was mostly incoherent rambling.  There were also Catholic residents that liked us to bring communion to them on a regular basis.  This was my first experience transporting and giving Holy Communion and it really opened my eyes to how beautiful the sacrament is for Catholics.  Many times there would be tears as I gave them the Body of Christ.  Towards the end of our time at the nursing home I noticed a change in myself.  I was more at ease with the people and able to just be with them.  I realized that I wasn’t relieving pain or even tangibly providing results but I was giving Christ a body, in which he could be present to his flock.  That realization made all the difference in the world.  Knowing I was allowing Christ to be present let me risk humiliating circumstances or even flat out rejection when they would not want to talk or were having a bad day.

Since we changed ministry two weeks ago I am now working with both first and eighth graders.  I find myself again faced with a whole new list of challenges and blessings throughout the day.  Trying to hold a first graders attention for more than a minute is quite a challenge indeed.  Creating interesting lesson plans each night for my eighth graders is also very time consuming.  My goal is to articulate some important truths about Christ that can help serve these students in their personal faith life.  Despite not making any great achievements teaching I am struck by many other factors of the experience.  On Tuesday I basically follow my first graders throughout their day.  I recall fondly that sense of security and peacefulness that surrounds them.  All their needs are met and they are very well cared for.  It is a relief to see that even in this day and age our children have a safe environment at school.  I can’t help regressing to my own first grade days as I play with them at recess and eat with them at lunch.  I am struck by the innocence in their eyes and the great trust they have for me.  I can truly see the face of Christ in their innocence.  It is a blessing to spend these days in the company of those uncorrupted by the cruelty of our world.  I pray for them that they may remain innocent throughout the trials of life.  Whether working with the elderly or with children it is a good reminder to me that we are all called to a sense of childlike trust and love in order to enter into the Kingdom of heaven.   I have found letting down my guard and trusting are becoming easier to our ministry group especially when filling new roles on the job.

Both at the nursing home and at LaSalette we have been asked to sing.  At the nursing home we worked very hard to create a fun and interesting activity for the residents.  We decided to create a Hawaiian Luau for the residents as we learned songs, sported our Hawaiian shirts, and performed some Hula dances.   This was a first for me and quite an experience indeed!  We were also asked to prepare the music for the student mass at LaSalette last week.  Again the four of us found ourselves learning new songs and performing for the student body.  These are some great examples of things I never would have dreamed of doing!  I must admit I enjoy the element of surprise here at the novitiate and have been able to step into roles that would have never seemed possible to me!

As I finish ministry at the school I am already looking forward to hearing the stories and experiences of our older Jesuits at Colombiere.  I know that Chirst is waiting for us through that experience as well and I’m sure as in the first two there will be that continued lesson of learning to get out of God’s way and let him work through me!

I spent time introducing Kyle to my host family and friends from my village where I used to live in Guatemala.  Although I was feeling nostalgic and would have loved to spend more time with them I had to settle for the brief chance to update them on my new adventure and why I felt called to join the Jesuits.  It was important for me to tell them because these people played a large role in allowing me to find my vocation due to the love they gave me and the example of their strong faith.  Building up the courage to tell friends in Guatemala about entering the seminary was not easy but their simple faith, which is what inspired my vocation, is what also allowed me to proceed with the news and enjoy their sincere responses.  I found that not everyone agreed with this path and some pleaded that I get married.  My Catholic friends were overjoyed and I know I can count on their prayers and support.  They even gave us a going away dinner to celebrate. 

After an exciting trip in Guatemala we returned home and I was able to spend some quality time with the family before making the plunge into religious life on August 29th.  Kyle and I  have just begun taking some classes this week based on religious life and the three vows of chastity, poverty, and obedience.  Last Friday we were sworn in with a blessing because we finished our triduum retreat.  That marked the end of our first probation and signifies that we have officially entered the noviate.  St. Ignatius established the first probation as a way for interested candidates to learn more about the society before entering into it. 

We have also been learning about the Jesuit idea of contemplatives in action.  As we meet in regular sessions to discuss different aspects and constituions of the Jesuits we try to observe the movements we are experiencing within.  God is actively speaking to us in all that we encounter throughout the day.  It is very important, especially as a novice to be aware of one’s inner feelings and thoughts.   As we have been learning about the Jesuit Formula and becoming servants of Christ in the Jesuit sense Kyle and I are urged to contemplate our own desires and to check if there is a harmony with the Jesuit way of life.

Each day here is also geared towards increasing our spiritual life.  We begin the day with morning prayer by reciting the Liturgy of the Hours.  Each afternoon we attend a community mass and dinner.  The community bonding has been great.  We also have a creative prayer session on Tuesday evenings and plenty of time for adoration in between.  There are 21 first and second year novices which means there is never a dull moment in the community.  We also spend lots of time hanging out and playing sports.

I will close by sharing a grace I received on our triduum retreat. As I find myself anxious to be moving faster and progressing spiritually I found a beautiful prayer through which God spoke to me on retreat.  This prayer helped to remind me of the trust necessary to continue on this path and the constant strength that the Lord provides if we surrender.

Patient Trust

Above all trust in the slow work of God.  We are quite naturally impatient in everything to reach the end without delay. We are impatient of being on the way to something unknown, something new. And yet it is the law of all progress that it is made by passing through some stages of instability and it may take a very long time.

Only God could say what this new spirit gradually forming within you will be.  Give our Lord the benefit of believing that His hand is leading you, and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself in suspense and incomplete.

-Pierre Teilhard de Chardin SJ.

Thanks for reading about our experiences thus far.  It is consoling to know of the prayers and support from St. X parish!

St. Francis Xavier, the patron of our parish, was the first Christian missionary to Japan, arriving in the middle of the 16th Century. By the end of that same century, his work led to thousands of conversions and a flourishing church, a church seen as a threat to Japan’s rulers. As such, 26 Christians, including three Jesuits, were forced to march hundreds of miles to their death in Nagasaki, where they were placed on crucifixes and pierced by two spears through the chest.

In June, Matt Lieser and I had the privilege to visit the site of the 26 Christian martyrs in Nagasaki and venerate the relics of the three Jesuits killed at that site. We were graciously received by the Jesuits of the Japan Province, who carry on Xavier’s work today. The stories of these and other Japanese martyrs exemplified the Ignatian idea of Magis, Catholics that gave their lives for their unconditional love for Christ.

Since the trip, the past few weeks have been a flurry of activity – attending two weddings; deciding what to keep, what to donate, what to throw away; and all the while sharing the umpteenth version of my vocation story with family and friends and saying my goodbyes. Through it all, the Lord has been present, reminding me in those moments when I have felt just a bit overwhelmed by it all, that His love and grace are all that I need.

Along with 11 others, Matt and I will enter the novitiate of the Society of Jesus in Berkley, Michigan (a suburb of Detroit) on Saturday, 29th of August. The novitiate is where we will initially enter into the life of a Jesuit: living in community; studying and learning about the Society of Jesus; making the 30-day Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius; being sent on apostolic experiments. At the end of this two-year period as Jesuit novices, we would profess our First Vows in the Society of Jesus, our perpetual vows of chastity, poverty and obedience. We intend to write periodic “blog” updates of our novice experiences.

Matt Lieser & Kyle Shinseki